Childhood dreams

So you look back on life and wonder what if you had done this or you had done that. Would life have been better or worse. All those dreams you had a child. What you wanted to do as you grew older. What dreams you had and they where gone to the wayside as life got in the way.

As I get older I am starting to look back on life and so many things I have forgotten over the years. My young life was so filled with dreams and ideas I could do. How could I get to those dreams. I haven’t got the slightest clue. Now that I sit and craft away my mind wanders back to those dreams. To the ideals I had as a child. All those big dreams. Silly as they where. That to think could I have really done that or this.

You know in the past few years I think I have fulfilled a couple of childhood dreams. Well in one way or another I think I might have. Well in a way. Might be a far out way to a beginning of my dreams. Okay I know this sounds silly, but yeah I know really silly.

So let’s go back to my childhood. I never really had much of a fancy childhood. I was the youngest in the family. Yeah the baby. My siblings had all grown and where starting their own lives. Left me to my imagination and what could I do. My earlier memories draw on the fact that I enjoyed going to weddings. I loved being dressed up and going to a party. I always admired the beautiful lady walking down the walkway in that gorgeous dress. Her being the most watched at the party.

So ideas began to spring I was going to be married one day. I was going to wear that beauty of a dress and be the admiration of everyone. I would pretend to walk the walkway and wear a robe to think I was wearing a beautiful dress.Well as life went on that part had come true. I wore that beauty of a dress and was queen for the day. Then life set in and no more a queen in the beauty of a dress. But a wife and eventually a mother. In my dreams as a child I had never thought about anything other then the beautiful dress I would wear. As you grow older things and ideals do change though.

One year for Christmas my mother gave me a dress up outfit. It had high heals, stole of fake fur, some plastic jewelry and a hat to wear. I wore that all over the house. I loved being all grown up and dressing pretty. I wore that outfit for a few months until one of the plastic high heal shoes broke in half. I was heart broken. I still wore the stole and clipped on the jewelry. I added a towel to my head and pretended I had long hair that glistened all the way down my back. I watched the ladies on tv in the advertisements. Their long hair blowing in the wind as they walked across the tv screen. I was going to be one of those ladies.

The most glamorous of them where the ladies and gents that graced the stage of the academy awards. As I grew older I would sit and watch this show every year. The glitz and glamour from that tv in the livingroom.I would sit up while everyone else went to bed. The tv quiet not to disturb anyone and watch all those glamorous ladies in their long beautiful dresses. All coifed and glitter. It was the most beautiful thing I would watch. I always wanted to be one of those ladies. Dressed beautifully and so regal. How could I do that. How could I be one of those ladies. I so wanted to be them.

I took my dolls and set them on a cardboard stage. Aimed a flashlight at the stage and sang the songs that these dolls where singing. That would be me one day. Up on the stage and in the limelight. Singing my heart out with these dolls. To entertain the audience.

So at a young age I wanted the glitz and glamour. The evenings out. Walking in my beautiful dress on the arm of a handsome man. Well I don’t think I really cared about the handsome man. I was more interested in the dressed up part. Looking regal, my head held high and being someone. Aw! Dreams. They come and they go as you get older.

Well dreams do come true. Well not in the way that you would think though. I am not that famous. Some do know me, but yes I am not the famous person I wanted to be. Ha, what can I say. I do get to wear the pretty dresses. I don’t look as regal as I wanted to be, but I do wear the dresses. I do get to go out on outings where I can wear these dresses. These are not the big blockbuster parties, but they are fun events. Themed events as well. I have a blast at these events. Meet so many beautiful ladies to giggle and laugh with. So to say I have fulfilled one of my dreams. It took me to the age of 55 before I fulfilled this dream.

Okay another idea I had. Modelling. walking the runway. In my high heals modelling a beautiful dress. My hair swinging behind me as I walked the carpet. My dress flowing, my hips swaying and lights where all on me. Pictures where being taken of me. I took it all in. I would buy the magazines with the models in it. I would oodle over them. I wanted to be them. All coifed up. Makeup and beautiful dresses. Yeah childhood. I even sent away for info in one of those magazines. Alas my mother had other ideas when she saw what I getting in the mail. Under no uncertain terms where you going to go off to school for that. This was not a job for you. She had put her foot down.

As I got a little older I got my first job in a photography place. I had been there a couple of days. I was enjoying the position. I was learning about photography. I would take the bus into town everyday to go to this job. Then I made mention that to my mother about something that one of the photographers had said something about how I would take great pictures. I was so thrilled that someone would say that I was pretty. And would take a great picture. Right then and there. My learning was done at being in a photographer studio. My mother said I was not going back to that job. It was not a job for me. I was learning about photography. I had a job. I was so upset that my mother would not let me go back. I told her I was not there to have my picture taken. I was there to help customers and learn about photography. She would have nothing to do with it. I was not going back.

Well I wasn’t modelling, but at the age of 63 I am now sitting for people to draw me. I strike a pose and sit still while artist practise drawing different body parts. No private parts, but hands and feet and arms. So they can practice to work on getting the muscle tone and shadows right. So yes at the age of 63 I am now modelling and enjoying myself.

Well I never learned anything about photography, but I can stand in front of a camera and have my picture taken. Smile as pretty as I can. That takes allot. I ain’t what you would call a pretty person. Just average, but I do have a great smile. So what was I thinking that I could be a glamorous person in pretty dresses or a model strutting my stuff on the cat walk. But I am an artsy fartsy person who never got to learn about the artsy fartsy type of things. So now I just play and hope that anything I do comes out right. I had all sorts of ideas, but now they play out in a different way. More laid back in a way. I am fulfilling dreams of my childhood or some would say I am going through my second childhood. You know I am loving it.